I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i love accidental penises.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
