I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
