I think I won the penis lottery.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do vagina's smell?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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