Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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