I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
too bad you live with your parents still
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
