I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
