He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
