Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize