I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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