I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
