i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
As shirtless as possible
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
