Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
