I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
