The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You ate ashes out of my bong
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
