I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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