I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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