I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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