You can't motorboat a personality
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
