Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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