Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
