You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
