I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
