i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
