What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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