I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
