You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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