I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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