Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
