i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
