I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
