i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
