There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize