textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
