Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
