This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
