first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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