You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How does it feel to date your dad?
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