Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
