you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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