I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
