too bad you live with your parents still
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
