I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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