weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize