ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
