so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize