he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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