Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
