A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm really busy with my period
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