I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
