Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
