I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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