my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
