How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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