So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
