Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
