tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
