before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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