This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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