I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
