Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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