Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
