My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
