The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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