Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
