apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
