Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
