i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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