I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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