There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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