drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
