So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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