There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
