I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
